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Bill Roper's Journal
Cut the Police 
7th-Jul-2017 11:07 am
The Cook County soda tax has been placed on hold by a local judge. The next act in our morality play is now proceeding as usual, as the Cook County government is now issuing dire warnings about the draconian cuts that will be required if this relatively small in the whole budgetary scheme amount of money isn't available.

This includes, of course, a fifteen percent cut in personnel for the Cook County Police, because the first thing that they always threaten to cut is the police. I'm sure they'd threaten to cut the fire department too, except that Cook County doesn't seem to have a fire department to cut, based on my brief Google search. That's all controlled by various municipalities and townships. Well, you threaten where you can...

In any case, I am old enough to remember Tom Lehrer. For those of you who don't, here's the original. And the altered lyrics follow:

Lyrics: Bill Roper
Music: Tom Lehrer, “Send the Marines”

Cut the Police

When someone starts attacks
Upon our latest tax,
We’ve got to find a way to make them cease.
It’s such a simple threat --
It hasn’t failed us yet!
So first, cut the police!

No one out there will care
If we find we cannot spare
The funds to pay some aldermanic niece.
We’ve got to make them see
All their cash belongs to me.
What do we do? We cut the police!

We must preserve
The jobs that we deserve.
Patronage protected,
All their rights respected,
They’re the ones who help us get elected.

We swear that there’s no fat.
No, we’ve cut all of that.
What’s left is how democracy is greased.
It’s time that you all learned
We’d rather let the city burn.
So please don’t say you’re overtaxed,
You’ve still got shirts upon your backs.
Our tax collector’s getting lax!
So when in doubt, cut the police!
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