You may remember last month's post about how Lieutenant Stockwell is busily saving the timestream from the Large Hadron Collider. Well, apparently he's got the birds working for him too.

Do you know how long it takes to train a bird to drop a piece of bread in exactly the right place to disable the LHC?

At ConClave last weekend, we performed one of my favorite SpaceTime Theater bits, Time Cop. In it, I play the beleaguered Lieutenant Stockwell of the Time Patrol whose mission is to keep Sam's character -- aided and abetted by Nikola Tesla -- from destroying the time stream.

It looks like Tesla may have gotten his fingers into the Large Hadron Collider over at CERN, or so I hear via Instapundit.

But that's ok. Lieutenant Stockwell is busy keeping the time stream safe from the Higgs Boson.

I've never actually seen "The Sound of Music" all the way through. My mother, brother, and sister went to see it at the theater in Belleville while my dad and I were with the Cub Scouts who were deploying pooper scoopers at a dog show elsewhere in town. But we must have owned the soundtrack album, because there's not a single song in the movie that I'm not familiar with. Of course, I keep seeing bits and pieces of it on the Family Channel, because daisy_knotwise will flip over to it if she sees it running and there's nothing better on. I just haven't actually watched the whole film from beginning to end.

What I've read from beginning to end are the not one, but two different Mad Magazine parodies of the movie. One of them was the fairly straightforward parody of the movie, "The Sound of Money". The other, however, grabbed the songs and constructed a sort of musical about the Mob, "The Sound of Murder". And what's particularly bad is when my brain starts grabbing the lines from both of the parodies and starts doing a weird little mash up.

"Just see how I race up this steep mountainside without ever losing a beat.
You'd think that my lungs would give out up here over ten thousand feet.
And though you may think that I'm hard as nails, still I'm soft underneath.
I'll mourn at the wake and I'll send a big funeral wreath."

Oh, yeah. There's the sort of tutor that I want for the kids...

Ok, I'm a comics fan. Even so, this seems like a really bad idea for a wedding.

( If you click here, you have only yourself to blame... )
Ok, now back to bed.

Sooner or later, you know we're going to take the girls to a theme park.

I hope it goes better than this.

Ok, normally I wouldn't bother to link to a Mark Steyn column here. But how can I resist when the column starts by recapitulating the many superhero identities of Hank Pym?

I always liked Hank. It's a shame he's been handled so badly.

Ok, I thought they'd made this up for an episode of The Big Bang Theory.

I was wrong.

You know it's been really cold when you're quickly scanning a friend's LJ post, read about "insulated boobs", and think that sounds vaguely reasonable.

The word was "boots". I need to read a bit more slowly.

Via Instapundit, here's Dave Barry's annual Holiday Gift List. cadhla might want to pay special attention to gift number 11.

Well, I thought this was funny...

And as long as we're on the subject:

daisy_knotwise pointed out a while back that the problem with Rep. Dennis Kucinich's campaign for the Democratic Presidential nomination was simple. When you show the candidate speaking on TV, you always see his position, his name, his party affiliation, and state attached. So every time you looked at Kucinich, you saw:

Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH)

Yup. Kucinich. D'oh!

And this explains why men like Alaska's governor Sarah Palin:

Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK)

Men. Only interested in one thing. :)

For daisy_knotwise, who enjoys the creative mangling of the English language, I present this bunch of groaners.

daisy_knotwise has been spending far too much time at I Can Has Cheezburger, which I must admit is pretty funny when I remember to do so. And I recalled that I had a perfectly good picture for the purpose...

Here's a report on an exciting new upgrade that's coming.

(Please don't hit me.)

Because I just know there are people on my friends list who need to see this:

Behold, Velocitoaster!

I was browsing covers on The Onion's website and tripped across this one which I just liked too much.

Via Instapundit, Tom Hanks as 007. Actually, it looks frighteningly good...

So here's what some folks think you might see on your TV screen if Immanuel Kant were running for President of the United States...

The things one finds on Instapundit. In this case, another thing to horrify ohiblather:

Squirrel armor

I think taking out the tree really annoyed them...

A while back, the National Review Online promised to do a "Star Trek Day" if they succeeded in a certain amount of fundraising to support their on-line operation. Apparently, they were successful enough to produce a "Star Trek Weekend".

So if you click here during the next day or two, you'll find that the front page of the NRO is chock full of Star Trek material. You might even find some of it amusing.

Update: Here's the archive link that should keep working even after the front page is updated.

Via Instapundit, here's President Bush at a recent press conference expounding on the serious zombie threat facing our nation.

The things that you find on the Web frighten me even as they amuse me. Here's the original Star Wars trilogy condensed down to a very short black-and-white silent picture.

The Big Bed Theory: Given a bed of infinite length and width, a baby cannot crawl off the edge.

Here are more reminiscences from the former Tonight Show staffer that I linked to earlier.

I suspect not a lot of you would run across this post otherwise. Here's a post by a former writer for The Tonight Show during the Johnny Carson years which I really enjoyed reading. I hope you do too.