At 1:49 PM, my poor toilet bowl changed from "Out for delivery" to "A required security check has delayed delivery."
At 3:57 PM, it changed to "Service disruption occurred. / The package will be returned to the sender."
I interpret this as "We drop kicked your toilet bowl and broke it. Although we can deliver the broken bowl to you, it will only result in us having to pick it up again, so we have cut out the middleman and sent it back to Amazon. Maybe you should talk to them."
One Amazon chat window later, Amazon is now sending me another full toilet and I will return the extra tank once I actually get the replacement and ascertain that nothing has been broken in the second shipment. Also, this will take a darned sight longer to get here, because Amazon is now out of toilets, so my replacement toilet appears to be coming from somewhere substantially farther away than Indianapolis. (ETA: Yup. Chico, California.)
On the other hand, the Amazon toilets were about $84 cheaper each than the replacement and I am not paying for the replacement, so...
On the gripping hand, the plumber is supposed to come tomorrow and install three toilets. Two toilets are here and one of the existing toilets really needs to be replaced...