April 18th, 2016

The UPS Man, Amazon, and Me

The above almost scans to the last line of the chorus of "The Rainbow Connection", which is a lovely song and does not deserve to be associated with what I'm thinking right now.

So you may recall that last week, UPS managed to misplace my Next Day Air tax return information that was coming back to me from the accountant so that it arrived three days late on a trip here from Evanston, which is only about eleven miles from here. I was told that it was a small package and easily could have gotten lost. Where exactly it had gone to hide for three days was never revealed to me.

Because our toilets are old, first-generation, low-flow models, I ordered three new toilets from Amazon to replace them, prompted by the leak in the ceiling in our family room when I was plunging recently. Today, five boxes arrived and were placed in the garage by our very helpful and friendly UPS man. (Really! I appreciate it!)

Now those of you who are not math challenged might wonder how five boxes relates to three new toilets and that would be a fine question. What I had in hand were two-and-a-half toilets. The enormous box containing the bowl for one of the toilets was not there.

I went to my Amazon orders list. All three tracking numbers showed as "Delivered".

I called UPS. They explained that there should be six tracking numbers for six boxes. And when I checked, I discovered that there were indeed different tracking numbers on the bowls and the tanks.

So I got on the chat line with Amazon and got the missing tracking number, suggesting that it might be good if they provided two tracking numbers when two boxes were shipped. The rep agreed.

And checking the new tracking number with UPS, it showed as "Out for delivery". Ok. Why it would not be delivered with the other five boxes was a bit of a mystery, but let's see how this plays out.

I checked again a few minutes ago. The bowl of toilet number three is now listed as "Delay", with the additional notation that "A required security check has delayed delivery."

What does that mean? The TSA has decided to perform a pat-down search on my toilet bowl?

Enquiring minds would like to know...

Translating UPS

I am sure that all of you have been waiting with bated breath to find out whether or not my missing toilet bowl had been strip searched.

Apparently so.

At 1:49 PM, my poor toilet bowl changed from "Out for delivery" to "A required security check has delayed delivery."

At 3:57 PM, it changed to "Service disruption occurred. / The package will be returned to the sender."

I interpret this as "We drop kicked your toilet bowl and broke it. Although we can deliver the broken bowl to you, it will only result in us having to pick it up again, so we have cut out the middleman and sent it back to Amazon. Maybe you should talk to them."

One Amazon chat window later, Amazon is now sending me another full toilet and I will return the extra tank once I actually get the replacement and ascertain that nothing has been broken in the second shipment. Also, this will take a darned sight longer to get here, because Amazon is now out of toilets, so my replacement toilet appears to be coming from somewhere substantially farther away than Indianapolis. (ETA: Yup. Chico, California.)

On the other hand, the Amazon toilets were about $84 cheaper each than the replacement and I am not paying for the replacement, so...

On the gripping hand, the plumber is supposed to come tomorrow and install three toilets. Two toilets are here and one of the existing toilets really needs to be replaced...