Bill Roper (billroper) wrote,
Bill Roper
billroper

Silly Bios

By request of ladyrutile, the silly bios for SpaceTime Theater's ConClave 2007 show:

Dominic Aveyard is a special operative from the Scottish Ministry of Magic, on loan to our Ministry. His advancements to the lumos spell have brought to light the need for increased spell enhancement and visibility. Dominic's wand is Scots Pine with a sheep's intestine and oatmeal core.

Jerry Corrigan specializes in producing enchanted objects that speak to the bearer. Sadly, the spell to make them stop speaking has not yet been developed. Jerry’s wand is Rubber tree wood with a copper core.

Bonnie Jones took up drinking after the collapse of the Soviet Union required her to develop a spell to adjust every map and globe on the planet. The adjusted maps are fine, save for an occasional tendency of Belarus to fly south for the winter. Bonnie’s wand is Olive wood with a pimiento core.

Dawn Kuczwara oversees a small staff at the Ministry of Magic in her position as Minister of Spell Syntax. Currently she is pushing for the Ministry to switch over to using primarily XML (the eXtensible Magic Language), and transforming that into spells using XSL (the eXtensible Spell Language). Dawn's wand is sugar cane with a creamy nougat center.

Sam Paris is best known for developing a spell that allows him to determine the temperature of anything, anywhere, no matter how well hidden. Every time he tried the spell on the late Lord Voldemort, it came back with room temperature – which would be confounding for anyone not quite so reptilian. Sam’s wand is Ironwood with a diamond core.

Bill Roper is a mild-mannered reporter for the Daily Prophet. His co-workers still wonder how he managed to scoop everyone else on the story of Lord Voldemort’s final demise. Bill isn’t telling. Bill’s wand is Brazilian rosewood with a phosphor bronze core.

Gretchen Roper is a stay-at-home mom who excelled in Transfiguration at school. Now, she primarily uses it to transfigure household items into stage props. Gretchen’s wand is Beech wood with a marine core.

Steve Salaba developed the magical technology that allows “moving pictures” to appear in newsprint and has become incredibly wealthy from the royalties. Steve’s wand is Hollywood with a tinsel core.

Greg Williams is a distinguished Auror working with the S.W.A.T. (Special Wands and Talismans) division of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. A highly decorated veteran, he played key roles in both the "London Bridge is falling down" incident, and the “What the hell is a Muggle doing HERE?" sting operation. His hobbies include sharpshooting, extracting confessions from Dark wizards with torture, and Gardening. Greg’s wand is an Olivander .44 Magnum, made of polished Eastwood with a copper-jacketed lead core.
Tags: cons, musings, spacetime
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